Meet Sally

When my first child was born in New York City in January, 1987…

I was definitely part of the “I’ll figure it out later” school of new parenting. My then-husband and I had no siblings, let alone siblings with children, to learn from. No wise elders to come and help out after the birth. I felt exhilarated, but on some level, insecure. I was isolated without even realizing it. Everyone had told me I’d “just know” what to do. It was instinctive. It would all come naturally. (I wish someone had told me there was a difference between maternal instincts and learned skills.) 

Towards the end of 1987, I crossed paths with Jane Arnold, the wonderful midwife, educator, and pioneer in the postpartum doula movement in New York. Jane suggested I read Dana Raphael’s 1955 book, The Tender Gift: Breastfeeding, which Dana wrote after struggling to breastfeed her first child in the mid-1950’s. In it, I learned about the concept of the doula and the many cultures whose automatic response to a birth was a circle of women to nurture and care for the new mother, tend to her recovery, take over daily chores, protect her from stress, and let her know that she had done something amazing by bringing a new life into the world.   

This vision was transformational. I had found the missing piece, and it was a simple, yet totally validating discovery: There was a different way to embody this life transition – with community, ritual, protection, special foods and teas, soothing herbal and flower baths, healing body rubs and massage, strict guidelines on visitors and when to bring baby out in public. 

I needed to know more. I was a nonfiction author and public radio producer, and before long, I was writing and producing a National Public Radio documentary on Supportive Postpartum Traditions in Diverse Cultures. Sara from Uganda, In from Korea, Luz from Colombia, Gerita from Jamaica, and other women generously shared with me the nurturing birth and postpartum traditions they had experienced or learned about from their elders. New mothers in New York revealed – some, for the first time – the isolation and insecurity they experienced after their babies were born. Dana Raphael, who graciously accepted my invitation to be a guest, talked about how she coined the term doula, and introduced me to the term matrescence – the developmental process of becoming a mother.  

The program struck a chord with many listeners. Many mothers who were listening had never put their feelings of isolation or struggle into words before. They felt shame or guilt for even having them. But on hearing these stories on the radio program, they recognized themselves. I knew, then, that this program was just the beginning of my quest. It was 1988, and I was on a mission to create a safe space for new mothers to talk about how they felt and to give voice to the kinds of support they really wanted or wished they had had. I saw a glaring need to start a new conversation, bust myths, create connection, find solutions. The second part of my mission – in the days before the World Wide Web – was to identify and include in the book every mother-centered resource I could find to help people over the first year of new motherhood.  

A second child and six years later, my book, Mothering the New Mother: Women’s Feelings and Needs After Childbirth, was published.  

Almost thirty-five years later…

I remain passionate about helping people have smooth transitions to new parenthood. Since 1994, my career has taken me in many interesting directions – most notably writing and producing a public radio series on language and literature for over fourteen years. I’ve been immersed in conversation, deep listening, storytelling, reframing narratives, exploring words and their nuanced meanings. I love bringing these skills to my sessions with parents-to-be.    

Over the past decade, I’ve talked to birth visionaries and care providers. I’ve read scholarly articles and parenthood blogs. Most importantly, I’ve talked with and supported parents-to-be and new parents. As a result, my conception of postpartum support began to undergo a transformation, and Reimagining Postpartum Support began to take shape. I would take the same approach I took in Mothering the New Mother — where I looked at everything through a “mother-centered” lens and this time look at supports for pregnant people and new parents through a “peace-of-mind”-centered lens.

I’m a lifelong New Yorker, and I’ve done a lot of my thinking about this project while taking long walks in a beautiful neighborhood park along the Hudson River. I’ve watched the seasons change. I’ve celebrated my birthday there. I’ve been inspired by the trees and by Mary Oliver’s poem “When I Am Among the Trees”, which put into words for me what I was feeling but couldn’t say about the healing and restorative power of nature in difficult times.

Over many months of walking and sitting in the park, I realized that, while much remained the same – the benches, playgrounds, pathways – I was also privileged to witness an ever-changing richness throughout the cycle of the year. There was no end to what I could learn, observe, question, be delighted, amused, inspired, energized, comforted, moved by in some way. I learned to slow down and notice things – a hawk and a barred owl (rare sightings in the park); the shapes of leaves; the way branches bent and intertwined; the colors of sunsets over New Jersey. The smallest details drew my attention, calling for closer inspection: a little plaque on a park bench, honoring someone who had loved the park before me, and tags on newly-planted street trees announcing, “I’m your new tree…” and giving the species name. 

I believe your perinatal journey requires and deserves the same attention and approach. I created Reimagining Postpartum Support to help us do just that: Slow down. Look closer.  Dig deeper. Name things more precisely. Remember what has come before. Welcome the new. Discover and connect.  And, most importantly, shine a spotlight on helping you prioritize your peace of mind and sense of emotional well being and build them into your postpartum support plan.

I’m grateful to be able to share this ever-evolving vision and map with you, and I look forward to starting the conversation.   

Transitioning to new parenthood without support is hard.
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